It’s a burden of the sort. One in which I have yet to have the pleasure of supporting. She is magnificent in appearance and elegantly bolsters her load of many dimensions. A left she will take in time; as soon as she is at the threshold of another life. It’s in the darkness that she hides herself. She stays their, for to be revealed is often too much to even consider. And so, she will always maintain while contained within in order to surpass those of the upper class with immense compassion.
It’s her gait that speak wonders and encourages onlookers to dare to inquire of her. What is she holding? What does it say? How does it speak and where is learned? She is mesmerizing and they call her…every chance that they are given. If within an earshot, an earshot then received. She beckons to be beckoned, though so revealing that many are deemed unworthy by revelation of what lies within.
She is piercing in every peer and peers at everyone piercing to soul and enlightening with spirit. She is all I can dream of, all that I can imagine, all that I desire. Untouched, her beauty is second to none. Unannounced, her presence is known by all. Unseen, her beauty is forever remembered, cherished, held within to the depths in order to never be forgotten.
She is enough for everyone; enough for anyone; too much for no one; too much for just one. We will find her, for she has found us. She has turned the corner in pursuit of you, of me, of us. She has nothing to hide and is in desperation to share all with all. Alone, she is not and together we are.
There is a lady bug that lives in my front room. Not here if it’s a grid or guy, but nonetheless it’s a blessing. It may be the coolest thing that is going on my life right now. We will say it’s a he. He has been hanging out with my wife and I for a bout 3 months now. I have read that we need to know the Father. How badly we do need to know the Father. The question is how? Through Jesus is the answer. Well, then how do we come to Jesus? I am not sure, though I feel that I should have a scriptural memory somewhere in my bank of synapses to suffice this inquiry. I will look for this, hopefully, and bought down the answers. I want to know the Father. I want to know. I do want to come to Christ. To know – it seems the path is laid, it is just a question of when. To follow, rather to walk is a difficult thing in this context. WE battle our selves, just as in this very moment. mY mind struggles to bleed the words lest someone take notice and be made aware of the true state the authors heart. Being naked in public is not easy on the nerves. For we are naked, and maybe this is why we clothe ourselves with every think that we can wrap our finger around, except for that which has given us, and that which we need not even so must as utter the word please – but rather just accept. Though the entire force of the world is against us and to hold up such weight is nearly impossible for such a lowly creature as oneself. So, let go. Release your struggle and fall letting the world crush you. Welcome. So – there s a ladybug living in my front room. It’s super. I really don’t know how to take it. I haven’t been this excited about something since I can’t even remember. I just wish maybe that we could talk. What would a ladybug say? Imagine just how big this room is for the little guy. At least a few thousand times larger to him than I.
Tired. I think that I have said that before. Tired of being. Tired of school. Tired of structure. Tired of chaos. Tired of you. Tired of me. Tired of day-to-day routine. Routine that just simple goes and goes and goes on and on and on like a witches wheel. Should get rusty after a bit and begin to decay, as most things here – if not all things here. Why do we go through phases? From the light of the soul to the dark side of the soul and in between the two are many stops and side attractions. When will it stop? Will it stop? Maybe it will stop for you, and for me, and for him or her for some time, but when it stops for one does it stop for the other all the same? Or, is everything a self-centered experience? IT seems the latter is possible. WE can only know what we experience, and we can’t experience another’s experience – we can only experience for ourselves, firsthand. Hmmmmm…..I receive this message sometimes. ALL CAPS is another one that I receive sometimes. I’d like a hammock between two trees, shaded on the beach or just surrounded by green breathing foliage, and a book to consume with my eyes. This seems so peaceful, because I am tired. Tired of prescriptive reading. Tired of responding. Tired of answering. Tired of… … Not real sure, but I am tired. How is that I have become tired? And, a new day will dawn awakening, and then once again after some time the state of being tired will grow once more. Then it will be removed and refreshed I will feel, though I anticipate darkness to tempt once again, and I will attract myself towards the shadow of night. It’s safe there. It’s a place to contemplate. A place to rest. A place to shed burdens without notice and a place to emerge from renewed. A place inside, that I might confide, this place I find, where nothing can hide. But it’s dark, how can nothing hide? It’s a strange thing, you see. Though dark, it sheds light on all that there is. Though dark, it is contrasted greatly by…
In silence we will speak. In silence we will write. In silence we will error and correct. The letters are wrong – they speak of freedom. To be free. What is it to be free? What does it mean? Freedom to choice…Freedom to wait…Freedom to sell…Freedom to buy…Freedom to know…Freedom to understand…Freedom to excel…Freedom to obtain…Freedom to be free…Freedom to be…What is it to be? To be alive…To be you…To be near…To be me…To be him…To be them…To be uncovered, naked, shown to the world – vulnerable and hesitating to speak your mind. But your free. So shout from the roof. Let your mind flow and let your mouth be open – your tongue loose – but wait. To speak, is that freedom? To be let loose one’s thoughts. Thoughts conceived. Conceived by learning. Learning from experience. Experience with others. Others of ignorance. Ignorance of bliss. Bliss of arrogance. Arrogance of anger. Anger from information. Information of others. Others of reputation. Reputation of lies. Lies of honesty. Honesty of self. Self from another. Another from perception. Perception from conception of regression turned to suppression by compulsion of hesitation to accept what was acceptable and has already been accepted though now is forgotten and has become the cause of deficiency. The world is amazing. We are incredible. We are so strong together. We are so marvelous when we are strong together. We are what holds everything together. We are what tears everything apart. We are everything in everything. We are – therefore we were, so in turn we will be and this is our fate. A circle that will never intersect itself, that will continue to expand, that is constant motion, that is life, light, and is what we see when we see.
Almost a full month and I haven’t written. I think it is because I have been writing for other reasons. School. School. It can be stressful, though I have contained this emotion and I am dealing with it. Dealing like cards. Cards like flowers. You get them on special occasions. Occasions of hypnotic moments when things begin to melt. Melt. A restaurant in Cleveland. I am finished with this. Let’s move on to the flames that are before me. Hot to the touch, a light for me to see, a tool of navigation, something that is beyond my conception. Maybe not really. When will we know everyone? You think that that is possible? To know all. Maybe through death we enter into a state of clarity that allows us to see without eyes. And since it is this way, we can see clearly, everything. Without borders. Sem fronteiras. Is it possible? Howaboutnospace.Whatiftherewasnotspacebetweenanything?Imeanreallyeverythingisratherseamless,right?
It must be. Just because we cannot see something does not prove that it doesn’t exist. Like, sound waves, or light waves. We know they are there, right? We can’t really see them, well not really. With special machines they can be detected, or so we are told and can experience this with a device like an – O-scope or something. I see sound waves – what if you could see them in time and space? That would be a site to see. What if. I am tired. My eyes are tired. My brain is tired. I am tired of school, though I love it, and I am tired of these little bugs. One just called out from under my keyboard – I have a laptop – and now it’s scaling the monitor. I tried to get him. He disappeared. IT’s dark. I have been burning candles all day because it is dark and cold. This is the most difficult ten minutes so far. I am without thought. I read for like six or seven hours today. My brain is in hibernation right now. I tried to continue and press on but couldn’t. It was all I could do to watch the recording of MLK Jr’s speech.
Knowledge. There is a lot of ignorance in the world. It’s unfortunate. I am part of it. I realize with every bit of knowledge that I am able to comprehend just how ignorant I am. It’s as they said when I was a kid. Time goes faster, the more you know the more your realize you don’t, ignorance is bliss, chocolate is fantastic – I love dark chocolate.
We’ll take it. The extra 20 segundas might just prove to be worth the time. I have been in need to write, to spill, to forget, tolosemytrainofthought. I did it. I have baked dirt. 3 times now, I have removed plants from their home, spread the dirt on a pan as evenly as I could and baked the gnats out if it for about an hour or so at 150-200 degrees Celsius. That’s warm. I had other things to write about before this began, but as soon as I started that stuff went out the window. Gone, like a lot of things, gone. O-well. Showering. People are delusional. I used to think that there was always someone just outside the shower curtain waiting to maul me. This must have been a production of my memories from when I was a child. I was subject to scary movies, like Psycho and others. I think Psycho was enough to do it. When your 3, 4, 5 maybe, those movies leave lasting marks. It’s too bad. I’ll be honest. At 30, I am just now starting to not feel that scary someone is behind me feelingwhen I am in the dark. That is ridiculous. Of course I know that these things don’t exist, but my mind refuses to believe me. This is evidence to me that I am all but just one person. Al but one person. All but one person. There are things going on around me that I don’t understand. I watch people walk and talk and step and inspect and look and poke and determine and choke. They wave their hands, they point and their chin goes up a little while they continue to speak to the audience, whom I presume doesn’t give a …. but they continue and continue and we continue and continue and I will continue and continue and you have always gone the same way, continuing down the path of continuation until you continued to continue continuing. That’s just all too much he says. It’s all too much. What will be next? Who knows. Maybe she goes. I go. Time slows. Um, no. time is not going to slow, which is odd because we made it. I mean, we are the one’s who have made and continue to make great effort to restrict time, so why can’t we slow it up if we choose? We are the creators of the restriction, the concept, the idea, of time. Time, like money, is not real.
In an attempt to clear my mind I will write. I will write. I will write. I will write. I have now written. I will write again. I wrote that I have written therefore I have written about me writing about what I have wrote in thought about my own written words and now I am still writing about what I have written and will write and therefore I wrote about what was already written. I drank a bit of red wine this evening and have been subject to a constant that is so constant that it doesn’t stop. My ears are ever so filled and now plugged with my earbuds that are spilling musical tunes into my mind like liquid something through a maze of madness that the rat ventures through in order to find the cheese. It’s the cheese. The cheese. That is what we want. Facebook. Yeah. I wrote it. Life. Life. Life. Life. It’s life. That is what we do. We live. In life…….We live…We love…We like..We look…We lift..Then we are left…With a right…We will light…The book on the shelf…In all of ourself…In order to conceive…All that we believe…That will take us to be…In a way that we see…To a place in the high…The place we kneel to strive..to be..to live..to see..to give..to love..to crawl..it’s above..it’s in awe..of you..of me..of two..of the sea..Peace out.